When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
