I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
