im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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