this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
