Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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