it wasn't lemon gatorade
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
