i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
