I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize