I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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