no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
