yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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