Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
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He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
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I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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