he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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