I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
