Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
