Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
