you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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