Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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