I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
