my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
