I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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