It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
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I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
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So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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