im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
