shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
