Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I need a beard to bite.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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