Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
