Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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