I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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