I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
