how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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