Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
