standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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