Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
