I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
