East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
