I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
