how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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