KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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