I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
