I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
