not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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