Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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