Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
