I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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