The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
