at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
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it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
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I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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