Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
No subtext here. People are naked.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
