my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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