20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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