um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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