so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
