There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
