she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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