That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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