nut hugger
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
