my mouth tastes like poor choices
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
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She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize