This is the prime rib incident all over again
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
