8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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